few weeks ago, all those around me agree on an opinion about me, and they see that I have become an "ogre." They say that sometimes my attitude is somewhat easygoing way, it seems that I do not worry as before by others, I've lost the taste, excitement and perhaps a little love. They say I look different, I've become distant and foremost, sometimes absent. And they are quite right, but I do not know is that at the same time wrong.
Some of them have shared with me my last experience. That led me from the silent awakening one morning, the great sound of a hospital emergency. Some of them have lived with me during those days, and others, only later. The question is, I've become after all, an "ogre."
The "No" is installed in my mouth, as constestación to any request or question. Indifference to certain things, has been present in more than one occasion. And boredom and apathy, save time by time. And even in the depths of me is something I feel, in my area, I am actually indifferent. At least for now.
I've always tried to get in the skin of others. In fact, there are many who consider me a person certainly sympathetic. And now, at this moment, is just what I need. It's just what I expect of others.
After leaving the hospital, I thought things would change. I knew things would change, but expected to do so otherwise. He hoped that the discussions were over, that the bad times faded, that the deception did not exist and that calm will come after the storm as they say. In contrast, none of this has happened. Yes, things have changed, but not as I expected.
People around me are aware that I am not the same. They are aware that I need to recover, that need to be calm, go slowly regaining my life. But are unaware or do not want to be, many other things. And one of them is that like it or not, my life will never be the same.
fumes that have always characterized Indiyon gradually disappearing have to go to my regret. The long distances under the sea surface, sooner or later reach its end. Sleepless nights, surrounded by wine, have become clear as the water that now filled my glass. Fears over the years, had managed to get rid, reappear surrounded by a dark, increasingly uncertain. The fear of a return to a death that comes with each step, while installing within seconds. The fear of reliving a situation that will increasingly worse, with no opportunity to remedy it. The rejection does not recognize, it will continue happening. Nostalgia for what you lost, what we lose. From what you did, and no longer will. The feeling of having to say goodbye. Of having to say goodbye. The sensation of feeling sick, "without really be." The feeling of having to apologize to those you left along your way. Impotence to see you are no longer the same and perhaps never get to be. Impotence to understand what is really important in life, while others look like wasting yours with trivial things. Laziness of wanting to fight to see who want happy, noting that at no time will achieve it. The fatigue that every twenty or thirty minutes, forcing you to rest. The peace you are trying to find, without going to find.
When you live something, your mind changes. Your life changes. And while the others go back to your routine as if nothing, you struggle to do it the same way. But you know not. That hard to recover that. So you decide to play along to everyone. Decide to accompany them in their routine, to help in their day to day. Decide to travel, go, run, play ... as hide your tired, your apathy, and above all your sadness. Sadness, which will keep your eyes outbreak. Because above all, what people want is to see that you're okay, but not true.
Indiyon
